Red Pillers – Very Concerned about Ladies’ Fashion

Posted in Editorials on August 14th, 2014
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Political Flavors co-blogger Femataur and I were talking about a recent dust-up on Reddit that occurred after a woman posted about being asked to pay a cover charge at a New York City nightclub where her friends got in for free. The Red Pill subreddit was up in arms about the fact that this woman didn’t take the insult on the chin, because they never heard of men being comped cover charges so this is about equality! (As if they believe in gender equality.)

Here’s the text of our chat:

MissCherryPi: I am amazed by how much attention red pillers pay to women’s fashion. They really really care about it.

Basically a little bit of effort in hair and nothing else. No makeup, no heals, ugliest outfit possible, shitty nails, no jewelry, and very very very plain. She just looks boring

I mean what the fuck is all of your raggedy hair doing on one side of your head? Take the time to straighten that shit and put it in a messy updo. Then throw that greasy looking top in the dumpster and grab some lowcut white blouse with strings and shit. And for the love of god why do these bitches insist on wearing those skirts that aren’t form fitting. Do you think you’re fooling us all into thinking that you’re fit but you just forgot to wear flattering clothing? Throw on a miniskirt and slut it up or don’t ever expect to be let in the goddamn club for free. And lose those fucking shades while you’re at it. You’re not a celebrity. You look stupid.”

What are they, Joan Rivers?

Femataur: Lol. God, they really really hate women. It reads like male-written erotica. Also a white blouse with strings and shit? Wat? I have no idea what they’re describing, but it doesn’t sound hot.

They just love policing everything they can about women.

I thought they didn’t like hypergamous women? Why are they advising women to artificially increase their value?

MissCherryPi: Maybe they mean a shirt like this:

white shirt

or like this: white strappy back shirt

But if so, why does it have to be white?

And those ladies look like they are going for brunch or something. Not to a club.

Femataur: They are just really bad at describing what they want…Shocker!
Dudes don’t know what they want, start imagining porn scenarios.

MissCherryPi: I can understand if the guy is super into fashion and wants someone that also has that interest/taste, but I doubt these guys read GQ and Details.

Femataur: You give them too much credit

MissCherryPi: Well this is what I don’t get- I highly doubt these men are into male fashion, but they have all these demands of women.

Femataur: I also highly doubt they are into female fashion. They are into control. They think that ladies night is a gift. And all gifts come with a quid pro quo. They think that women who go to clubs are some weird pornified idea of women, like in music videos.

These dudes: women who aren’t paying their way need to dress like porn and earn their free drinks. Women who dress like sluts are basically asking to be assaulted. Aka: if you can’t pay for something you should be assaulted. Also financial empowerment for women is unacceptable?

It’s classic sex class shit.

This Primary Day, Democrats Can Control Who Runs the New York State Senate. The Future of Progressive Social Causes is at Stake

Posted in Editorials on August 13th, 2014
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September 9th is Primary Day in New York State. While primaries have lower turnouts and generally receive less media scrutiny, they are often very significant races that determine the policy direction a party takes. In some cases, as in the June Congressional primary between Rep. Charles Rangel and State Sen. Adriano Espaillat, it determined the person who will ultimately serve in the next Congress.

Next month’s primary is an important one for Democrats. Conventional wisdom holds Andrew Cuomo, Kathy Hochul, Eric Schneiderman and Tom DiNapoli will all be serving in Albany next year. What’s less certain is who will control the State Senate.

Some are surprised to learn that the Senate is currently in Republican hands when one considers the lopsided advantage that Democrats hold in party registration in our state. As of this past April, there were 5,873,844 Democrats and 2,785,773 Republicans. Yet Dean Skelos, a Long Island Republican, controls the Senate, in part due to a power-sharing agreement made with Jeff Klein, a senator from the Bronx who defected from the Democratic caucus to form the “Independent Democratic Conference” (IDC). Joining Klein to form the IDC were Malcolm Smith of Queens, Diane Savino of Staten Island, David Valesky of Oneida, and David Carlucci of Rockland. Sen. Smith was forced to leave the IDC after he tried to bribe his way into the New York City Mayor’s office.

Smith was soon replaced by Sen. Tony Avella, who joined the IDC earlier this year. While Avella acted like he was joining the IDC for benevolent reasons alone, his staff got raises as a result, Avella himself became Chair of the Social Services Committee, and his campaign was given $50,000 by other senators for his good will.

Albany works different than real life, it seems.

On February 26th, Avella told the New York Daily News:

“Under Sen. Klein’s leadership, the [Independent Democratic Conference] has developed a clear, progressive agenda for New York’s working families.”

Odd that he didn’t feel that way before the raises, chairmanship, and 50 grand. Details…details.

This statement, though, makes September 9th so important for Democrats in New York.

Leaving the Democratic Caucus, led effectively by Sen. Andrea Stewart-Cousins of Westchester, in order to best promote a “clear, progressive agenda” is like Michael Bloomberg saying he could most effectively support gun control legislation by writing a check to the NRA. It just doesn’t make sense.

Maybe if the NRA offered Bloomberg’s staff raises and made him chair of a policy committee he’d reconsider. That would be benevolent, right?

No greater proof is needed to rebut the claim that the IDC and its alliance with the Republicans is promoting a “clear, progressive agenda” than three bills which never saw the light of day thanks to the “power-sharing agreement”: the entire Women’s Equality Act, GENDA and a ban on conversion therapy.

The Women’s Equality Act, all-encompassing legislation that would have ensured equal pay, cracked down on human trafficking, and safeguarded reproductive health was apparently deemed “extreme.” As was the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act, which would have banned discrimination based on gender identity or expression. The third bill, to ban conversation therapy, would have made it illegal to try to “cure” children of homosexuality, a “treatment” that has increased depression and suicide rates. In fact, Gov. Chris Christie helped ban it in New Jersey and is quoted saying he

believe[s] that on the issues of medical treatment for children we must look to experts in the field to determine the relative risks and rewards…I believe that exposing children to these health risks without clear evidence of benefits that outweigh these serious risks is not appropriate.

All of these bills should have passed, reflecting the substantial registration advantage that Democrats have over Republicans in New York. But they weren’t even given a vote on the floor. The reason they were not given a vote is clear: because Dean Skelos and the Senate Republicans would not allow a vote.

Why do Dean Skelos and the Senate Republicans have this say? Because they were given it by members of the IDC who were given plum committee posts and financial benefits in exchange for their allegiance.

As a result, any chance of progressive social policies passing in New York came to a halt.

You see, according to the “power-sharing” agreement, both “co-leaders” Skelos and Klein need to approve bills that go to the floor.

Democracy has a different definition in Albany.

What many people don’t realize is that the Senate Republicans have a second master: the New York State Conservative Party. Many of their members could not win without the backing of the Conservative Party, and rely on it for votes, GOTV and fundraising. The Conservative Party has been openly hostile to women, to minorities and to the LGBT community, and doesn’t hesitate to punish those who run opposed to its dogma. The party is closely aligned with the Catholic Church, including its belief on the role of women in society, the rights of said women, and its narrow interpretation of the Bible to meet its own agenda – regardless of who is harmed.

This can be remedied on September 9th, though. Many members of the IDC face primaries. Two races in particular can have a significant impact on the future of the IDC and the State Senate. In Queens, Tony Avella is being challenged by John Liu. In the Bronx, Jeff Klein is facing Oliver Koppell.

If the Democrats can regain control of even one of these seats, it will send a clear message that Democratic voters didn’t go out and vote on Election Day 2012 so that Dean Skelos could be left in power.

If you want the chance for a true progressive agenda on social issues, you need to express yourself on Primary Day.

The alternative is a State Senate that is to the right of Chris Christie.

On My Honor, I Will Try…

Posted in Editorials on August 6th, 2014
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This post is adapted from a service I led at my Unitarian Universalist congregation.

Readings
The Girl Scout Promise
On my honor, I will try:
To serve God and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

The Girl Scout Law
I will do my best to be
honest and fair,
friendly and helpful,
considerate and caring,
courageous and strong, and
responsible for what I say and do,
and to
respect myself and others,
respect authority,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.

Romans 12:9-13
Let love be genuine;
hate what is evil,
hold fast to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection;
outdo one another in showing honor.
Do not lag in zeal,
be ardent in spirit,
serve the Lord
Rejoice in hope,
be patient in suffering,
persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the saints;
extend hospitality to strangers.

***

When I was a child I remember hearing about certain things being “on the honors system,” a contest or an exam given to older kids “on their honor.” I asked questions about what this meant, and I developed my own definition of honor. It means to do the right thing, even when no one else was looking. This seemed like a big responsibility. I hoped I would be up to the challenge when my turn came.

In my own life I don’t often hear of honor spoken of much in the way I have defined it – doing the right thing, even when no one is looking, being true to your word and keeping your promises. A quick search of my own Twitter stream and of google news and I see the word being used in two ways – to describe an achievement, “It’s an honor to win this award.” And to talk about something that is almost the anthesis of my meaning – honor killings.

From the website of the NGO – “The Advocates for Human Rights:”

Human Rights Watch defines “honor” crimes as “acts of violence, usually murder, committed by male family members against female family members who are perceived to have brought dishonor upon the family.” According to a report by Dr. Sherifa Zuhar of Women for Women’s Human Rights, killings committed in the name of “honor” may be motivated by “a perceived violation of the social norms of sexuality,” or they may be “crimes of passion, wherein a husband kills his wife whom he or other family members suspect of adultery.” U.N. Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women Radhika Coomaraswamy has described “honor” killings as one of many practices that “constitute a form of domestic violence but have avoided national and international scrutiny because they are seen as cultural practices that deserve tolerance and respect.

“Motives for crimes committed in the name of “honor” have included: suspicion of adultery, premarital sex, or some other relationship between a woman and a man; being a victim of rape or sexual assault; refusing to enter an arranged marriage; seeking divorce or trying to escape marital violence; and falling in love with someone who is unacceptable to the victim’s family according to The Global Campaign to Stop Killing and Stoning Women! Even seemingly minor transgressions have been identified as the reasons for carrying out “honor” killings. In one case, a teenager in Turkey had her throat slit in a town square because someone had dedicated a love ballad to her on the radio. Although the victims are most often women, men and boys may also be targeted for crimes committed in the name of “honor,” usually when they are relatives, alleged partners, or “accomplices” of a female victim according to the Special Rapporteur Asma Jaha, Commission on Human Rights. Similarly, while men and boys are usually the perpetrators, women may be involved in, or supportive of, the commission of these crimes.

According to Wikipedia, honor killings are also sometimes committed against LGBTQ people.

And so I must make a clarification as to what honor is not. Honor is not patriarchal violence. Honor is not chauvinism. Honor is not even chastity. Violence against women and other people who do not meet ancient codes of sexual purity is in no way honorable.

Honor cannot be bestowed upon a person or taken away by other people. It is a quality describing how a person lives.

There is no group of people who hold a monopoly on honor. In some misogynist corners of the internet, Men’s Rights Advocates are fond of saying that “Honor is a male abstraction. Don’t expect women to understand.” I reject this definition and its limited worldview.

Honor is not pride. When someone cuts me off in traffic and I slam on my horn and yell something not very polite, because of my own bruised ego, I’m not defending my own honor. I’m embarrassing myself in a potentially dangerous way.

The reason I wanted to talk about honor here today began when I was thinking about the seven principles of Unitarian Universalism. I was trying to decipher what meaning they had for me as a whole, and not just as individual precepts. And what I started to conclude was that they are about doing good for the sake of what is good. This fits so neatly with my girlhood definition of honor – doing the right thing when no one is looking. And it reminded me of that promise I made “On my honor, I will try…” I went back and looked up the Girl Scout Law and I was surprised at how it echoes our principles:

to be honest and fair,
to respect myself and others,

    Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;

to be friendly and helpful,
considerate and caring,

    Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;

to use resources wisely,
to make the world a better place

    Respect for the interdependent web of life of which we are a part.

I also looked to see what the Bible has to say about honor. There were many passages, but the one I read today echoes the message I’m trying to impart:

[H]old fast to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection;
outdo one another in showing honor.
….
Contribute to the needs of the saints;
extend hospitality to strangers.

So what does this have to do with how we live our lives day today? How is this concept relevant if it’s not spoken of in this context much anymore? And how does this specifically relate to Unitarian Universalism?
This past May I attended the UU Metro NY district conference, and I went to a workshop called “Getting to the Roots: Our UU Theology of Collaboration” It was led by Rev. Joan Van Becelaere a UU Minister in Ohio, that was described this way:

The Puritan ancestors of the Unitarian side of the UUA were much bolder than we commonly think. They envisioned an association of individual congregations far more collaborative and connected than commonly thought. The vision was actually quite radical. In these times of change in society and the world as well as in our districts and regions, can this collaborative theology at the roots of our organizational DNA help us meet our current challenges and give us a new perspective on what it means to work for the creation of the Beloved Community?

At this workshop, I learned about how many early American congregations were based on covenant. Covenant was and is “the matter and form of the church.” People who were living together in community also vowed to worship together in covenant. And the value of the covenant is the honor of it’s participants. It was their honor to keep their word and do what’s right for the community.

Today we are in covenant with each other in our congregation, and as a congregation with other UU Congregations throughout the country and the world. The value of our covenants is the strength of our honor.

We also see this at the end of our Declaration of Independence. The signers pledged, “our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.”

Honor is the glue that holds us together.

Contradictions made by people insulting my husband (AKA, Misogynist Troll Insult Fails Part 2)

Posted in Editorials on July 17th, 2014
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Christian Red Pill blogger Dalrock published a hit piece on a woman journalist, and decided that instead of relying only on his incisive wit and literary talent, he’d also link to her personal photos and Flickr account. Because he wanted to ruin more than just a mediocre DS9 episode.

Ms Brink took to twitter asking people for help in reporting this post as abusive, and Adam sent out a tweet encouraging people to do so. And in case it’s not clear, I support anyone’s right to write or say whatever they want about whoever they want without fear of the government. But saying “Hey it’s not cool to link to naked pictures of a woman your are slut shaming” is not censorship. It’s exercising those same free speech rights to tell you that you are an asshole. Which you have every right to be.

But a simple, “This is not cool and it might violate Word Press Terms of Service” tweet has invoked the rage of the manosphere. And Oracle of Delphi, is it hilarious! They know they hate women, and they hate men who don’t hate women, but they can’t figure out why. And their reasons are delightfully contradictory.

Adam is:

“White Knight and all-purpose Mangina”
a “cowardly white knight” “spreading lies”
one of the “rabbit people”
“mangina Adam Lee (again, the only person who even has given Mizz Brink the time of day) thinks he can authorize ‘social sanctions’, even though it is safe to say that just about all the men here have had far more lifetime success with women than Adam Lee has.”

But also:

A ‘male feminist’ is almost always a sleazy predator in disguise. Hugo Schwyzer proved this. Being a ‘male feminist’ really is the perfect cover for such a predator.

So he’s a cowardly sexless mangina but also a sleazy sexual predator? Got it.

And:

Adam Lee is just another sub-human degenerate Social Justice Warrior who thinks that anyone who disagrees with him need to be shut down. These sons of bitches are just like Hitler’s Brownshirts with less testicular fortitude to face you in person.

But:

I could not help noticing from Adam Lee’s Twitter that…he appears to be a Jew

A JEWISH NAZI! OMG.

They’re also really obsessed with Adam having sex with and/or being sexually rejected by Brink:

If Adam Lee does his job right, he might just get lucky tonight!

I should also point out that Adamangina Lee is thinking to himself :

“This superslut had sex with 8 men while still legally married……I am the only one who rushed to her aid……….Yet she is STILL turning me down?? Whyyyyyyyyyy????”

Ms Brink,

Adam is only doing this because he hopes that maybe you will have sex with him.

Adam,

She is NOT going to have sex with you. Ever. You are quiche eating beta male. She is using you to try and tear down people who make her feel bad because she is a terrible person speading terrible advice. Stop what you are doing. You’re never going to get laid.

As creepy as these comments are, I don’t think “quiche eating beta male” will leave my vocabulary any time soon. It’s perfect for ironic joke insults. Thanks dudes.

I spent my morning train ride laughing my head off at these comments, and trying to pick my favorite insult. I actually made my own from this word salad – “Hitler rabbit.” As in “Adam thinks men shouldn’t call women bitches. What a Hitler rabbit!”

Misogynist Troll Insult Fails

Posted in Editorials on June 3rd, 2014
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Previously, I have written about an incident that occurred when I was a teenager and a boy in my class tried to insult me, but it fell flat. This happens often when interacting with people who have very different values. What one person sees as an insult, another may find innocuous or even take as a point of pride.

Cracked has published a post “5 Uncomfortable Truths Behind the Men’s Rights Movement” and the dudes at /r/TheRedPill are really mad.

I’d wager this guy is a skinny little girly man just desperate for some cash. Probably gets pegged by his angry period-raging feminist girlfriend.

And when we take out the modifiers and the name calling, and we look at what /u/bleekdawn is trying to say…there’s not much of an insult now is there? Like I said on /r/TheBluePill, he is now a little richer from the publication of this article and he will be getting laid tonight? Sounds like a win on both counts. What am I missing?

I know that /u/bleekdawn meant his words to sting with body shaming, classism, homophobia and misogyny – because of course skinny or short men aren’t men, and of course it’s shameful to work for a paycheck, and of course straight men don’t like to be pegged, and of course menstruation turns women into demonic hellspawn, and of course no one would ever date or have sex with a feminist. I don’t actually know what J. F. Sargent’s appearance, finances or sex life are like. But on it’s face, there’s nothing wrong with having a small build, getting paid to write articles on the internet or with being a straight man who likes anal sex from a woman partner.

I suppose this is why people occasionally tell their detractors to troll harder.

Freedom of Speech Means Freedom to Be an Asshole

Posted in Editorials on May 18th, 2014
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From the text of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution:

Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech

I am a firm supporter of the right to free speech and free expression. These rights are essential to other rights – political advocacy, religious freedom, artistic expression, academic freedom and the right to advocate for social change. I am so thankful to live in the United States where I have this right, and I hold it dear.

Not everyone who has these rights uses them for a good or useful purpose. The costs of free speech are high. When I was a clinic escort, I witnessed protesters who would harass patients and doctors. I find this morally abhorrent, and while I do support the FACE Act and other measures to prevent people from forming human chains around clinics, I also recognize that much of what these protesters do is and should be protected speech.

This weekend I attended the Women in Secularism conference sponsored by the Center for Inquiry. One of the speakers, Taslima Nasrin spoke about the harms of religion to women. Nasrin was exiled from her home country of Bangladesh for criticizing Islam. Others have been jailed or murdered by vigilantes for doing the same.

In her speech, Nasrin said,

“Without the right to offend, freedom of expression cannot exist.”

Mary Johnson tweeted this quote, and I retweeted it. Then this happened (conversation edited for clarity, see my twitter stream for unabridged conversation):

So, to sum up, according to Carl Nyberg, we can’t criticize Islam because of American imperialism, and we can’t be supporters of free speech unless we spend every waking moment trying to get Chelsea Manning out of prison.

I agree that there is racist and xenophobic sentiment underlying some critiques of Islam. But that doesn’t mean that it’s above question. Taken to its logical conclusion, Nyberg’s argument means that until we eliminate antisemitism in the United States, no one can speak up about the sexual abuse of children in Hasidic communities. I reject this entirely.

I don’t think that people should be bigoted or even unnecessarily mean to each other. I’m a huge supporter of social justice, civility, Wheaton’s Law, and plain old cheerfulness. But I believe these things must come from within and not be imposed by a government. The right to free speech includes the right to be an nasty and cruel abortion clinic protester, to voice islamaphobic opinions, and to tell me that I want to “shit on other religions without being criticized.” As Taslima Nasrin said,

“Without the right to offend, freedom of expression cannot exist.”

13 Ways To Be A Happily Married Feminist

Posted in Editorials on May 12th, 2014
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As is my unfortunate hobby, I was hate-browsing Reddit’s Red Pill Women forum and came across a discussion of Fox Sports “13 Ways to Keep Your Husband Happy.”

I don’t know why Fox Sports is posting marital advice for straight women. But there it is.

Apparently one of their readers, Jennifer, didn’t understand a hilarious blow job joke and took it upon herself to correct the record.

A couple of months ago, you published something in the mailbag about an Auburn wife who offered her Alabama husband a blowjob every time Auburn won if he would not actively root against Auburn. I was bothered by the line where she said she nearly contracted TMJ due to the success Auburn had. It bothered me because Auburn won 12 games. This means in a span of 15 weeks she gave 12 blowjobs. 2 open dates and 1 loss (I am not counting the BCS title game because there was no win after that loss so the streak ends at the SEC Championship game) means she had a 3 week break and a 2 week break during the season to “rest”.

I have talked to a few girlfriends and my sister and we agree that unless she was offering this in addition to at least one other blowjob during that week, no rest was needed and even joking about TMJ is preposterous.

It was a joke. She was saying “I get to blow my husband every time my team wins, and I sure am blowing him a lot! Heh heh. My team is winning. Blow jobs. Score.”

She continues:

I have been married to my husband for 16 years and been together 20. I still give him a blowjob at least once a week. Am I the minority?

If I am, let me be clear to the other wives out there – Do it. Tonight. Do it without asking for anything in return. Ladies, put his d*** in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life.

Fox Sports columnist Clay Travis then ruminates on the average amount of oral sex he thinks married people have. And then he says:

I do know this, I told my wife that I would never complain or argue with her about anything if she would sleep with me every other night for the rest of our marriage. It didn’t work, but I stand by my statement. For every woman reading this right now, if you promised to sleep with your husband every other night for a year, I think the number of complaints you’d get from your husband would be almost zero.

I decided to try his out for myself. On Sunday night Adam asked me how long I planned on keeping a giant pile of clothes on our couch. I told him I would have sex with every night instead of folding and putting away my clothes. He was like, “How about both?”

In a more serious situation, this could become unhealthy. I have a bad habit of engaging in negative self talk when I’m feeling down. If you asked Adam what his biggest complaint about me, he would probably say that. Let’s see how this strategy would work:

“Oh God. I cannot believe I threw out that important document for our taxes. Now I have to get a new copy from work. I’m the worst, most incompetent person ever. Why does anyone even like me?”
“Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“Hey Baby, wanna fuck?”

But I digress.

For not thinking a blow job joke was very funny, Jennifer was then asked to write a column for Fox Sports about marriage.

And the thing is, some of this is common sense advice everyone has heard before. But it’s framed in terms of being groundbreaking and counterculture because it’s a married woman who likes football and giving head. Because there are no married women who like football and giving head. All women are uptight frigid killjoys and that’s why they can’t keep a man. When that’s your starting point, even the most generic advice seems contemptuous.

1. Give him a blowjob at least once a week.
2. Give it up more often.
3. Step up your sex game.

Aren’t these all the same thing? Didn’t we cover this last week when Jennifer didn’t understand the “LOL. I made a bet with my husband and my team is winning so much TMJ!” joke?

4. Quit bitching!

No one likes a whiner, although some people do enjoy whining. I think her problem here is the assumption all women bitch at their husbands, but men don’t do the same thing. If you’ve never met a champion complainer of the male persuasion you probably don’t know any men, or your sexism keeps you from recognizing it.

Both parties in a relationship need to learn how to express their needs in a calm and assertive way. But that’s not really catchy enough for Fox Sports.

5. Let him look at other women.

Sure. As long as turnabout is fair play.

6. Don’t use the kids as an excuse.

When I gave birth to all three of our kids and “wasn’t available,” my mouth still was.

You hear that ladies? C-Section incision still seeping? Episiotomy stitches hurting your nethers? Nipples sore from breastfeeding your newborn? YOUR MOUTH IS STILL AVAILABLE.

And if it’s not, well then your husband might not be “happy.” And since he’s looking at all those other women, well…

7. Stop trying to change him.
8. Let him do the things he enjoys.

I agree with these two the most. It’s important to have separate interests, to respect your differences and to not tell each other what to do.

9. Stop keeping score.

Life is not a pissing contest. Who cares if you are right? Who cares how many times you have taken the trash out compared to the amount of times he has helped you with the laundry?You are not going to die and have God say “Well you were right 87% of the time and you did 97% more of the chores than your husband.” Get off your ass and take the trash out. Women are lucky that their husbands don’t have the kind of memory they do, because things would get really ugly.

Look ladies, you should be glad that your husband even deigns to be with a *shudder* woman. Don’t you know he’s a man and therefore entitled to your housework? I mean, Jesus Christ, just because you are right most of the time and do twice as much housework as he does what do you think that makes you special? That he should say thank you or listen to your point of view? You are a WOMAN, and therefore, THE WORST. Just be thankful he doesn’t remember all the times you menstruated or missed a spot shaving. Then things would really get ugly.

10. Don’t be a “Yoko”.

Fuck you. Seriously. (Hat tip.)

11. Stop making him do shit he doesn’t want to do and go places he doesn’t want to go.

Like I said above it’s important to…

Stop with the couples baby showers. Hell, I don’t even like to go to those things. No man wants to go to a baby shower. He didn’t even want to go to the baby shower for his own kids. The person who invented the couples shower should be shot.

Oh.

My policy on baby showers is that if there is cake and booze, you have no right to complain.

12. Be Cool.

I went to have lunch with my husband one Valentine’s Day. A couple of his boys asked him what he got me for Valentine’s Day. He said he got me a “cockmeat sandwich.” They looked at me, expecting me to get mad. All I did was reply, “What can I say? I was hungry.”

I wonder what Jennifer would think about a feminist blog encouraging women to tell jokes humiliating their husbands in public?

I also allowed a bachelor party, complete with a keg and a stripper, to be held at my house. I left and didn’t care what happened as long as they didn’t burn the place down. When I got home, there was whipped cream on the entertainment center…

So I think we need to go back to #5 again here, “Let him look at other women.” He wasn’t looking. He was licking. Or is that what you meant? Let him lick other women?

What Jennifer means here is to keep a man happy, you have to be a pushover and you have to enjoy it. As Gillian Flynn wrote (emphasis added):

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

13. If all else fails, sex will cure it all.

I thought we talked about this one already?

***

So to sum up, according to Fox Sports expert Jennifer, to be a good wife you should just keep your mouth shut (except for blow jobs, natch) and your legs open. Remember: A. B. S. Always. Be. Sexing.


The missing marriage counseling scene from Glengarry Glen Ross.

Because what works for Jennifer’s husband will work for all men. Because all men are the same. (According to Fox Sports.)

P. S. This week Adam and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. None of it would have been possible if I had followed Jennifer’s advice in the spirit she had intended. So in keeping with /r/TheBluePill policy that all selfies must have superimposed quotations:

13 Ways To Keep Your Heterosexual Female Romantic Partner Happy

Posted in Editorials on May 12th, 2014
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Inspired by Fox Sports loving, human relationship article written by contributer “Jennifer,” found here.

Trust me, men, I assure you I exist and I’ve never had a man break up with me, although I have broken up with many, many “men.” If you want to know some of the things that you can do to make sure your girlfriend or wife never ever leaves you no matter how awful you are, I will tell you. Much like Jennifer’s advice, ladies, if you have a man who demands you buy him a big diamond, you should run; he will literally harm you. I also want to stress that the only way a relationship can be successful is if it is between a man and a woman and it never ends no matter how much a man must subjugate himself to his partner’s will in order to keep her happy.

 

1. Give her head twice a week. I know, men need blowjobs once a week, but women are different, it’s just biology. It doesn’t have to even be two separate sessions, you can give both orgasms in one marathon session. She would be more than happy to come home from a long day of work to head. Trust me. And any woman who says she doesn’t like head has either had a bad experience or is married to someone who won’t give it. What a shame. As I said before dudes, put it in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life.

 

2. Give it up more often. Sleeping with your partner should be work. It should be pleasure. I trust you have all heard, “The way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach.” Your mom and/or grandmother have told you this for years. Your mother-in-law told you the same thing when you and your wife got engaged. But she was only half right. This is the “Better Homes and Gardens” version. The real way to a woman’s heart is through both food and sex. She would be happy to have local, farm-fresh baked lemon chicken and head and/or sex followed by cupcakes than literally anything else at least every other night. If you do not do this for your wife or girlfriend, she may leave you and then what are you? Why do you exist? Are you cooking or pleasing a woman? What is your purpose?

 

3. Step up your sex game. Put on some speedos and mineral oil (you have a hot bod, right? You’d better not be so worthless as to not be ripped) and tell her you have want to give her a back massage. Send her text messages telling her what an attractive woman she is. I am pretty satisfied with my sex life because he puts effort into it. He has said yes to everything I have wanted to try, including other men. Anything less gives me the right to cheat because his only reason for existing is to keep me happy regardless of his own needs and desires. He has to want to do the things I want him to do, not just acquiesce. Step. It. Up.

 

4. Quit whining! This would go a long way to keeping your female romantic partner happy. Does it really matter which way the toilet paper is on the roll as long as it is on there? Does it really matter if she hasn’t taken the trash out and the apartment is literally in squalor even though you hired a houseboy whom she is supposed to allow to clean before she dominates him while you’re away? Are your hands broken? No? Well then be sure to put the new bag in the trash can so that it doesn’t slip down when you start putting trash in it. There is always “that dude” in the circle of friends who makes everyone uncomfortable because he is whining all the time and just tears his partner apart over the stupidest things. Your friends hate you because you aren’t happy enough submitting to your partner’s will. Don’t be “that guy”. If you don’t know who that is, it is you. Stop. Now. Or else.

 

5. Let her look at other men. So she likes big dicks. (Honestly, who doesn’t? They’re pretty hot.) So what? Let her look at them. She is going to believe that men are only useful for their wangs whether she looks or not. This is going to happen. So let her look. Let her peep someone’s visible penis line in skinny jeans out at the mall. Is it really hurting you? No, especially since you were eye balling literally every advertisement featuring a woman. Who cares who she wants to and will have sex with other than you as long as she exists therefore giving you a purpose.

 

6. Don’t use the kids as an excuse. This one might seem confusing. “I don’t get tired by my children because I never interact with my family, I’m a man. My family exists as an extension of myself which I then proceed to ignore” you might say out loud while reading this blog post. If you are not taking care of your baby and wife, you will have an unhappy marriage and your wife will leave you for one of the men with bigger dicks that she was looking at in number 5. The things you do in your relationship are inferior to the things my boyfriend does and you are inherently unworthy of love. But I digress. When your wife has given birth and cannot take wieners vaginally, she can recieve oral sex safely in a few days. I know you’re tired from taking so much time to take care of wife and baby’s recovery, but it is important to remember that she should not have any sexual contact outside the area of the clitoris until she is healed. The world doesn’t stop because you become parents. How did you get that way? I understand that things are hard and chaotic, but that is life. This means that sometimes, you have to get it in when you can fit it in (but don’t put “it” “in” until she is healed).

 

7. Stop trying to change her. You thought she had “potential” to be a great mother and wife someday. Goodness gracious. Stop! She is who she is (a terrible mother and wife) and all you’re doing is fostering a feeling of ill will and resentment (or at least more feelings of ill will and resentment than you were by having opinions, I mean whining). You may think that she is accepting it and you are making headway. But what you should be doing is accepting her and giving her head.

 

8. Let her do the things she enjoys. I know, I sound crazy right? You have been working all week while she “got” to go out and earn a living and so you should be able to have her on the weekends. The chores don’t do themselves. I get that you want to spend time with her. If you let her go out and enjoy her hobbies, she will appreciate that, and hopefully she will eventually come home and you can feed her cupcakes and give her that head she has been waiting for since yesterday. She is out there all week grinding and working for your ungrateful ass and you can’t even let her get in a mani pedi? Four hours and she is back at the house with you and the kids. If you can’t allow this, you really need to look within. Why are you feeling so lonely? You have been giving her oral sex, having sex with her, letting her look at other men, realized that both she and your own friends hate you for saying when you’re unhappy or frustrated about something, lived in servitude to her and your children, and decided that she will never change. Why do you want her to spend time with you now? There is something wrong with you, I assure you.

 

9. Stop keeping score. Life is not a pissing contest. Who cares if you are right? Who cares how many times you have taken the trash out compared to the amount of times she has helped you with the laundry? You are not going to die and have God say “Well you were right 87% of the time and you did 97% more of the chores than your wife/girlfriend/partner.” Get off your ass and take the trash out. Men are lucky that their partners know that they are too stupid to figure out equitable sharing of household maintenance, because generally, women who don’t feel like you’re doing half the housework will divorce you. So don’t keep score, just do all of the housework so that she’ll never have to wonder.

 

10. Don’t be a “Mark Anthony”. Women get married to awful men who expect that they will drop their careers when they tie the knot. Or, at least the one he doesn’t like. Stop breaking up the band. It is so much more fun to get involved in the stuff they do than to stand around and whine about it (see #4, seriously, everybody hates you). Don’t make your wife take her ball and go home. Go watch them make media moguls out of themselves or hell, play along as a back-up dancer like Jennifer Lopez’s new beau.

 

11. Stop making her do shit she doesn’t want to do and go places she doesn’t want to go. Stop with the football games. Hell, my boyfriend doesn’t even like to go to those things. No woman wants to go to a sportsball game. She didn’t even want to go to the sports games you competed in. The person who invented baseball should be shot. They have really messed it up for everyone. She also doesn’t want to go to birthday parties for your family and friends (they don’t even love you because of all your whining), unless she is also given a present of extra oral sex before and after the event. Stop having football games during whatever else she wants to do. I have a friend who is pregnant. She is due in October. We are having her baby shower whenever we damn well please because that shit is fucking important and who brought the ball where again is not.

 

12. Be Cool. I realize that this may be the hardest part of all of this for you to do. It is a very broad statement but it really encompasses all of the “intangibles” a woman is really looking for in a mate. My boyfriend has been considered the “cool boyfriend” for a while now. He has been invited to karaoke, go to the salon, go out drinking, and other fun things that are generally considered “chick stuff.” One of the reasons is because he is effeminate, but it is also because since he can’t beat us, he joins us. He tells dick jokes (jokes about how pathetic dicks are) and laughs when me and my friends do the same. He also knows some of the jokes will be about him and he embraces it. I went to have lunch with my boyfriend one Valentine’s Day. A couple of his boys asked me what I got him for Valentine’s Day. I said I got him a “clitmeat sandwich.” They looked at him, expecting him to get mad. All he did was let me continue: “What can I say? He was hungry.” They started laughing and later told my boyfriend that he had a cool girlfriend and asked how someone like him got a girl that was cool and hot. He also allowed a friend’s bachelorette party, complete with a keg and a stripper, to be held at my house (but who are we kidding? I don’t need his permission for anything). He left and didn’t care what happened as long as they didn’t burn the place down. When he got home, there was whipped cream on the entertainment center and beer spilled on his carpet. He asked if they had fun and when the carpet cleaner would be there in the morning. Then he kicked back a few drinks with me and gave me oral sex. That is how you play it cool.

 

13. If all else fails, sex will cure it all. If you find yourself struggling with any of the topics above, resort back to numbers 1 or 2. When she comes in after a long, grueling day at work, have a cold beer ready for her and tell her when the kids go to bed, you will give her head. There is nothing that giving her a little ass cannot cure. Ask him. All the women reading this are agreeing with me. Once, during an argument with my boyfriend, I asked him if he went down on me right then, could we just let it go. He quickly agreed. Nothing else matters. You are a walking dildo/tongue/less efficient vibrator. If you provide your services, your female partner will be happy and you will never have to be alone to contemplate your useless existence and inherent flaws that make you subhuman garbage. Stop reading this article. Reading is bad for your marriage. You are bad for your marriage. Subsume your existence. Enjoy your submission.

Stop the madness! Give it up. Bang it out. That is the key to a happy marriage.

“That’s some training to give to girls.” The criminalization of female self defense

Posted in Editorials on May 9th, 2014
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If you asked people to sum up Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth, you’d get responses like “It’s about a Jewish guy who is neurotic about sex.” But people tend to look over the fact that the book ends with (Spoilers!) a “funny rape scene.” Portnoy is smitten with an Israeli soldier who is not interested in him, so he tries to force himself on her.

And when she tried to leave I blocked the door. I pleaded with her not go out and lie down on a clammy beach somewhere, when there was this big comfortable Hilton bed for the two of us to share. I’m not trying to turn you into a bourgeois, Naomi. If the bed is too luxurious, we can do it on the floor.

Sexual intercourse? she replied. With you?

Yes! With me! Fresh from my inherently unjust system! Me, the accomplice! Yes! Imperfect Portnoy!

Mr. Portnoy, excuse me, but between your silly jokes, if that is even what they are-

Here a little struggle took place as I rushed her at the side of the bed. I reached for a breast, and with a sharp upward snap of the skull, she butted me on the underside of the jaw.

Where the hell did you learn that, I cried out, in the Army?

Yes.

I collapsed into my chair. That’s some training to give to girls.

That’s some training to give to girls. I mean, who in their right mind would ever teach a girl to fight back? How dare they? The military should put the interests of men’s desire to assault women unharmed ahead of national security. Obvs.

But Portnoy’s Complaint is, or at least is supposed to be, satire. No one really thinks that a woman who knows how to physically defend herself is a bad thing, right?

In May of 2012, I wrote about the NYPD’s repulsive crowd control tactic of grabbing women protesters by their breasts. The tactic was thought to both humiliate women, and enrage men, provoking them to violence and creating more arrestable offenses. One of those women, Cecily McMillan now faces up to seven years in prison for elbowing a police officer in the face after her grabbed her by the breast from behind. She had no way of knowing he was a police officer in the moment, and caused no permanent harm to the officer.

This week, I have heard the story of a transgender teenage girl who is in prison because the state of Connecticut cannot find a home for her. Jane Doe has a history of being sexually abused by people who were supposed to care for her. She was removed from a state institution after striking a guard who grabbed her from behind. The guard claims to have only wanted a bear hug, but the girl said she had no way of knowing it was not a sexual assault.

That’s some training to give to girls, indeed.

Support me in #Bowl14!

Posted in Editorials on March 4th, 2014
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This year, for the second time, I will be participating in the New York Abortion Access Fund’s Bowl-at-Thon fundraiser. Last year I was able to raise $1010, and this year my goal is even higher: $1400.

I am bowling because strong supporter of the to choose regardless of one’s economic situation and I believe in reproductive justice for all people. In my time as a clinic escort at Planned Parenthood, I was face to face with people who would spend their Saturdays harassing those who needed to access the clinic for any reason. I volunteered because I wanted to show my support for patients needing abortion care during what I could only imagine to be a very difficult time. That is the same reason why I’m doing this now.

The dual goals of the National Abortion Access Bowl-a-Thon are to raise awareness of economic barriers to abortion care and to strike down these barriers by raising money to pay for abortion care and to improve state and federal policies that interfere with access to abortion for the most disadvantaged women.

To make a donation, you can access my fundraising page here.

More information from the National Network of Abortion Funds:

What are abortion funds?

Abortion funds are groups of people who help women pay for their abortions.

Nearly all abortion funds are grassroots organizations that work directly with women and families who face obstacles to abortion. Funds help women to pay for an abortion and for travel to a clinic or for an overnight stay in a motel near a clinic. Some funds provide a place to stay in their own homes for women who have to travel a great distance. Many funds also help women to pay for contraception and the morning after pill.

Abortion funds are often women’s only allies as they try to raise money to pay for an abortion.

They are also at the forefront of a dynamic and growing movement that honors the leadership and voices of low-income women, young women, and women of color.

Who are abortion funds?

Some of these groups were started by women who themselves had trouble paying for an abortion. Others were started by women and men whose neighbors asked them for help. Others were started by church groups, synagogues, and clinic staff. By women and men of every age, from college students to people in their 80s who have been doing this work for more than 30 years.

Some abortion funds have dozens of volunteers and some paid staff; others are still run by one or two people working from a kitchen table.

Large or small, they all exist for the same reason: every woman needs to have the ability to make her own decision about having a child, no matter what her income is.

While the fight for Medicaid coverage of abortion will help millions of women in the long run, only abortion funds are helping women right now.

Abortion funds change the world, pretty much every day…one woman at a time.