From the text of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution:

Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech

I am a firm supporter of the right to free speech and free expression. These rights are essential to other rights – political advocacy, religious freedom, artistic expression, academic freedom and the right to advocate for social change. I am so thankful to live in the United States where I have this right, and I hold it dear.

Not everyone who has these rights uses them for a good or useful purpose. The costs of free speech are high. When I was a clinic escort, I witnessed protesters who would harass patients and doctors. I find this morally abhorrent, and while I do support the FACE Act and other measures to prevent people from forming human chains around clinics, I also recognize that much of what these protesters do is and should be protected speech.

This weekend I attended the Women in Secularism conference sponsored by the Center for Inquiry. One of the speakers, Taslima Nasrin spoke about the harms of religion to women. Nasrin was exiled from her home country of Bangladesh for criticizing Islam. Others have been jailed or murdered by vigilantes for doing the same.

In her speech, Nasrin said,

“Without the right to offend, freedom of expression cannot exist.”

Mary Johnson tweeted this quote, and I retweeted it. Then this happened (conversation edited for clarity, see my twitter stream for unabridged conversation):

@_MaryJohnson @MissCherryPi @taslimanasreen Offense that challenges power =/= offense that furthers bigotry & oppression

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 @_MaryJohnson @taslimanasreen But who gets to decide which is which?

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 I think people should challenge the power religion has in society. But religious people may feel oppressed by that challenge.

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi Right Wing assholes–incl. religious ones–want power to control society's narratives & define themselves as victims.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi Feeling offended by having one's privilege challenged is not the same as being oppressed.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 Exactly, which is why I believe we cannot ban speech or expression that is "offensive."

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi Hating on Islam while West embarked on Neo Crusades is different than discussing pedophile priests.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi If your society killing/oppressing a group of people based on their religion end the k/o be criticizing their religion.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 So, until there are no religious hate crimes in the USA, no one should criticize religion? I don't agree.

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi There are religions that wield little power in USA. Focus criticism on religions that wield power.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi People who insist their right to offend includes attacking Muslims to be assholes. Packaging mainstream bigotry as edgy.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 Call bigots and assholes out when they do harm. But we should not declare anyone or anything above question/criticism.

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi Until Americans end killing & oppression of Muslims as gov't policy, they have forfeited the right to judge Muslims.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi And people who defend the prerogative of attacking Islam go in the box labeled "asshole".

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi US society has numerous ideologies, people & institutions above criticism. What have you done for Chelsea Manning?

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@MissCherryPi Chelsea Manning in prison b/c she criticized gov't by telling truth. You want shit on other religions & not be criticized.

— Carl Nyberg (@CarlNyberg312) May 17, 2014

@CarlNyberg312 Not at all. I totally support your right to call me an asshole.

— Elizabeth (@MissCherryPi) May 17, 2014

So, to sum up, according to Carl Nyberg, we can’t criticize Islam because of American imperialism, and we can’t be supporters of free speech unless we spend every waking moment trying to get Chelsea Manning out of prison.

I agree that there is racist and xenophobic sentiment underlying some critiques of Islam. But that doesn’t mean that it’s above question. Taken to its logical conclusion, Nyberg’s argument means that until we eliminate antisemitism in the United States, no one can speak up about the sexual abuse of children in Hasidic communities. I reject this entirely.

I don’t think that people should be bigoted or even unnecessarily mean to each other. I’m a huge supporter of social justice, civility, Wheaton’s Law, and plain old cheerfulness. But I believe these things must come from within and not be imposed by a government. The right to free speech includes the right to be an nasty and cruel abortion clinic protester, to voice islamaphobic opinions, and to tell me that I want to “shit on other religions without being criticized.” As Taslima Nasrin said,

“Without the right to offend, freedom of expression cannot exist.”

As is my unfortunate hobby, I was hate-browsing Reddit’s Red Pill Women forum and came across a discussion of Fox Sports “13 Ways to Keep Your Husband Happy.”

I don’t know why Fox Sports is posting marital advice for straight women. But there it is.

Apparently one of their readers, Jennifer, didn’t understand a hilarious blow job joke and took it upon herself to correct the record.

A couple of months ago, you published something in the mailbag about an Auburn wife who offered her Alabama husband a blowjob every time Auburn won if he would not actively root against Auburn. I was bothered by the line where she said she nearly contracted TMJ due to the success Auburn had. It bothered me because Auburn won 12 games. This means in a span of 15 weeks she gave 12 blowjobs. 2 open dates and 1 loss (I am not counting the BCS title game because there was no win after that loss so the streak ends at the SEC Championship game) means she had a 3 week break and a 2 week break during the season to “rest”.

I have talked to a few girlfriends and my sister and we agree that unless she was offering this in addition to at least one other blowjob during that week, no rest was needed and even joking about TMJ is preposterous.

It was a joke. She was saying “I get to blow my husband every time my team wins, and I sure am blowing him a lot! Heh heh. My team is winning. Blow jobs. Score.”

She continues:

I have been married to my husband for 16 years and been together 20. I still give him a blowjob at least once a week. Am I the minority?

If I am, let me be clear to the other wives out there – Do it. Tonight. Do it without asking for anything in return. Ladies, put his d*** in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life.

Fox Sports columnist Clay Travis then ruminates on the average amount of oral sex he thinks married people have. And then he says:

I do know this, I told my wife that I would never complain or argue with her about anything if she would sleep with me every other night for the rest of our marriage. It didn’t work, but I stand by my statement. For every woman reading this right now, if you promised to sleep with your husband every other night for a year, I think the number of complaints you’d get from your husband would be almost zero.

I decided to try his out for myself. On Sunday night Adam asked me how long I planned on keeping a giant pile of clothes on our couch. I told him I would have sex with every night instead of folding and putting away my clothes. He was like, “How about both?”

In a more serious situation, this could become unhealthy. I have a bad habit of engaging in negative self talk when I’m feeling down. If you asked Adam what his biggest complaint about me, he would probably say that. Let’s see how this strategy would work:

“Oh God. I cannot believe I threw out that important document for our taxes. Now I have to get a new copy from work. I’m the worst, most incompetent person ever. Why does anyone even like me?”
“Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“Hey Baby, wanna fuck?”

But I digress.

For not thinking a blow job joke was very funny, Jennifer was then asked to write a column for Fox Sports about marriage.

And the thing is, some of this is common sense advice everyone has heard before. But it’s framed in terms of being groundbreaking and counterculture because it’s a married woman who likes football and giving head. Because there are no married women who like football and giving head. All women are uptight frigid killjoys and that’s why they can’t keep a man. When that’s your starting point, even the most generic advice seems contemptuous.

1. Give him a blowjob at least once a week.
2. Give it up more often.
3. Step up your sex game.

Aren’t these all the same thing? Didn’t we cover this last week when Jennifer didn’t understand the “LOL. I made a bet with my husband and my team is winning so much TMJ!” joke?

4. Quit bitching!

No one likes a whiner, although some people do enjoy whining. I think her problem here is the assumption all women bitch at their husbands, but men don’t do the same thing. If you’ve never met a champion complainer of the male persuasion you probably don’t know any men, or your sexism keeps you from recognizing it.

Both parties in a relationship need to learn how to express their needs in a calm and assertive way. But that’s not really catchy enough for Fox Sports.

5. Let him look at other women.

Sure. As long as turnabout is fair play.

6. Don’t use the kids as an excuse.

When I gave birth to all three of our kids and “wasn’t available,” my mouth still was.

You hear that ladies? C-Section incision still seeping? Episiotomy stitches hurting your nethers? Nipples sore from breastfeeding your newborn? YOUR MOUTH IS STILL AVAILABLE.

And if it’s not, well then your husband might not be “happy.” And since he’s looking at all those other women, well…

7. Stop trying to change him.
8. Let him do the things he enjoys.

I agree with these two the most. It’s important to have separate interests, to respect your differences and to not tell each other what to do.

9. Stop keeping score.

Life is not a pissing contest. Who cares if you are right? Who cares how many times you have taken the trash out compared to the amount of times he has helped you with the laundry?You are not going to die and have God say “Well you were right 87% of the time and you did 97% more of the chores than your husband.” Get off your ass and take the trash out. Women are lucky that their husbands don’t have the kind of memory they do, because things would get really ugly.

Look ladies, you should be glad that your husband even deigns to be with a *shudder* woman. Don’t you know he’s a man and therefore entitled to your housework? I mean, Jesus Christ, just because you are right most of the time and do twice as much housework as he does what do you think that makes you special? That he should say thank you or listen to your point of view? You are a WOMAN, and therefore, THE WORST. Just be thankful he doesn’t remember all the times you menstruated or missed a spot shaving. Then things would really get ugly.

10. Don’t be a “Yoko”.

Fuck you. Seriously. (Hat tip.)

11. Stop making him do shit he doesn’t want to do and go places he doesn’t want to go.

Like I said above it’s important to…

Stop with the couples baby showers. Hell, I don’t even like to go to those things. No man wants to go to a baby shower. He didn’t even want to go to the baby shower for his own kids. The person who invented the couples shower should be shot.

Oh.

My policy on baby showers is that if there is cake and booze, you have no right to complain.

12. Be Cool.

I went to have lunch with my husband one Valentine’s Day. A couple of his boys asked him what he got me for Valentine’s Day. He said he got me a “cockmeat sandwich.” They looked at me, expecting me to get mad. All I did was reply, “What can I say? I was hungry.”

I wonder what Jennifer would think about a feminist blog encouraging women to tell jokes humiliating their husbands in public?

I also allowed a bachelor party, complete with a keg and a stripper, to be held at my house. I left and didn’t care what happened as long as they didn’t burn the place down. When I got home, there was whipped cream on the entertainment center…

So I think we need to go back to #5 again here, “Let him look at other women.” He wasn’t looking. He was licking. Or is that what you meant? Let him lick other women?

What Jennifer means here is to keep a man happy, you have to be a pushover and you have to enjoy it. As Gillian Flynn wrote (emphasis added):

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

13. If all else fails, sex will cure it all.

I thought we talked about this one already?

***

So to sum up, according to Fox Sports expert Jennifer, to be a good wife you should just keep your mouth shut (except for blow jobs, natch) and your legs open. Remember: A. B. S. Always. Be. Sexing.

The missing marriage counseling scene from Glengarry Glen Ross.

Because what works for Jennifer’s husband will work for all men. Because all men are the same. (According to Fox Sports.)

P. S. This week Adam and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. None of it would have been possible if I had followed Jennifer’s advice in the spirit she had intended. So in keeping with /r/TheBluePill policy that all selfies must have superimposed quotations:

Inspired by Fox Sports loving, human relationship article written by contributer “Jennifer,” found here.

Trust me, men, I assure you I exist and I’ve never had a man break up with me, although I have broken up with many, many “men.” If you want to know some of the things that you can do to make sure your girlfriend or wife never ever leaves you no matter how awful you are, I will tell you. Much like Jennifer’s advice, ladies, if you have a man who demands you buy him a big diamond, you should run; he will literally harm you. I also want to stress that the only way a relationship can be successful is if it is between a man and a woman and it never ends no matter how much a man must subjugate himself to his partner’s will in order to keep her happy.

1. Give her head twice a week. I know, men need blowjobs once a week, but women are different, it’s just biology. It doesn’t have to even be two separate sessions, you can give both orgasms in one marathon session. She would be more than happy to come home from a long day of work to head. Trust me. And any woman who says she doesn’t like head has either had a bad experience or is married to someone who won’t give it. What a shame. As I said before dudes, put it in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life.

2. Give it up more often. Sleeping with your partner should be work. It should be pleasure. I trust you have all heard, “The way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach.” Your mom and/or grandmother have told you this for years. Your mother-in-law told you the same thing when you and your wife got engaged. But she was only half right. This is the “Better Homes and Gardens” version. The real way to a woman’s heart is through both food and sex. She would be happy to have local, farm-fresh baked lemon chicken and head and/or sex followed by cupcakes than literally anything else at least every other night. If you do not do this for your wife or girlfriend, she may leave you and then what are you? Why do you exist? Are you cooking or pleasing a woman? What is your purpose?

3. Step up your sex game. Put on some speedos and mineral oil (you have a hot bod, right? You’d better not be so worthless as to not be ripped) and tell her you have want to give her a back massage. Send her text messages telling her what an attractive woman she is. I am pretty satisfied with my sex life because he puts effort into it. He has said yes to everything I have wanted to try, including other men. Anything less gives me the right to cheat because his only reason for existing is to keep me happy regardless of his own needs and desires. He has to want to do the things I want him to do, not just acquiesce. Step. It. Up.

4. Quit whining! This would go a long way to keeping your female romantic partner happy. Does it really matter which way the toilet paper is on the roll as long as it is on there? Does it really matter if she hasn’t taken the trash out and the apartment is literally in squalor even though you hired a houseboy whom she is supposed to allow to clean before she dominates him while you’re away? Are your hands broken? No? Well then be sure to put the new bag in the trash can so that it doesn’t slip down when you start putting trash in it. There is always “that dude” in the circle of friends who makes everyone uncomfortable because he is whining all the time and just tears his partner apart over the stupidest things. Your friends hate you because you aren’t happy enough submitting to your partner’s will. Don’t be “that guy”. If you don’t know who that is, it is you. Stop. Now. Or else.

5. Let her look at other men. So she likes big dicks. (Honestly, who doesn’t? They’re pretty hot.) So what? Let her look at them. She is going to believe that men are only useful for their wangs whether she looks or not. This is going to happen. So let her look. Let her peep someone’s visible penis line in skinny jeans out at the mall. Is it really hurting you? No, especially since you were eye balling literally every advertisement featuring a woman. Who cares who she wants to and will have sex with other than you as long as she exists therefore giving you a purpose.

6. Don’t use the kids as an excuse. This one might seem confusing. “I don’t get tired by my children because I never interact with my family, I’m a man. My family exists as an extension of myself which I then proceed to ignore” you might say out loud while reading this blog post. If you are not taking care of your baby and wife, you will have an unhappy marriage and your wife will leave you for one of the men with bigger dicks that she was looking at in number 5. The things you do in your relationship are inferior to the things my boyfriend does and you are inherently unworthy of love. But I digress. When your wife has given birth and cannot take wieners vaginally, she can recieve oral sex safely in a few days. I know you’re tired from taking so much time to take care of wife and baby’s recovery, but it is important to remember that she should not have any sexual contact outside the area of the clitoris until she is healed. The world doesn’t stop because you become parents. How did you get that way? I understand that things are hard and chaotic, but that is life. This means that sometimes, you have to get it in when you can fit it in (but don’t put “it” “in” until she is healed).

7. Stop trying to change her. You thought she had “potential” to be a great mother and wife someday. Goodness gracious. Stop! She is who she is (a terrible mother and wife) and all you’re doing is fostering a feeling of ill will and resentment (or at least more feelings of ill will and resentment than you were by having opinions, I mean whining). You may think that she is accepting it and you are making headway. But what you should be doing is accepting her and giving her head.

8. Let her do the things she enjoys. I know, I sound crazy right? You have been working all week while she “got” to go out and earn a living and so you should be able to have her on the weekends. The chores don’t do themselves. I get that you want to spend time with her. If you let her go out and enjoy her hobbies, she will appreciate that, and hopefully she will eventually come home and you can feed her cupcakes and give her that head she has been waiting for since yesterday. She is out there all week grinding and working for your ungrateful ass and you can’t even let her get in a mani pedi? Four hours and she is back at the house with you and the kids. If you can’t allow this, you really need to look within. Why are you feeling so lonely? You have been giving her oral sex, having sex with her, letting her look at other men, realized that both she and your own friends hate you for saying when you’re unhappy or frustrated about something, lived in servitude to her and your children, and decided that she will never change. Why do you want her to spend time with you now? There is something wrong with you, I assure you.

9. Stop keeping score. Life is not a pissing contest. Who cares if you are right? Who cares how many times you have taken the trash out compared to the amount of times she has helped you with the laundry? You are not going to die and have God say “Well you were right 87% of the time and you did 97% more of the chores than your wife/girlfriend/partner.” Get off your ass and take the trash out. Men are lucky that their partners know that they are too stupid to figure out equitable sharing of household maintenance, because generally, women who don’t feel like you’re doing half the housework will divorce you. So don’t keep score, just do all of the housework so that she’ll never have to wonder.

10. Don’t be a “Mark Anthony”. Women get married to awful men who expect that they will drop their careers when they tie the knot. Or, at least the one he doesn’t like. Stop breaking up the band. It is so much more fun to get involved in the stuff they do than to stand around and whine about it (see #4, seriously, everybody hates you). Don’t make your wife take her ball and go home. Go watch them make media moguls out of themselves or hell, play along as a back-up dancer like Jennifer Lopez’s new beau.

11. Stop making her do shit she doesn’t want to do and go places she doesn’t want to go. Stop with the football games. Hell, my boyfriend doesn’t even like to go to those things. No woman wants to go to a sportsball game. She didn’t even want to go to the sports games you competed in. The person who invented baseball should be shot. They have really messed it up for everyone. She also doesn’t want to go to birthday parties for your family and friends (they don’t even love you because of all your whining), unless she is also given a present of extra oral sex before and after the event. Stop having football games during whatever else she wants to do. I have a friend who is pregnant. She is due in October. We are having her baby shower whenever we damn well please because that shit is fucking important and who brought the ball where again is not.

12. Be Cool. I realize that this may be the hardest part of all of this for you to do. It is a very broad statement but it really encompasses all of the “intangibles” a woman is really looking for in a mate. My boyfriend has been considered the “cool boyfriend” for a while now. He has been invited to karaoke, go to the salon, go out drinking, and other fun things that are generally considered “chick stuff.” One of the reasons is because he is effeminate, but it is also because since he can’t beat us, he joins us. He tells dick jokes (jokes about how pathetic dicks are) and laughs when me and my friends do the same. He also knows some of the jokes will be about him and he embraces it. I went to have lunch with my boyfriend one Valentine’s Day. A couple of his boys asked me what I got him for Valentine’s Day. I said I got him a “clitmeat sandwich.” They looked at him, expecting him to get mad. All he did was let me continue: “What can I say? He was hungry.” They started laughing and later told my boyfriend that he had a cool girlfriend and asked how someone like him got a girl that was cool and hot. He also allowed a friend’s bachelorette party, complete with a keg and a stripper, to be held at my house (but who are we kidding? I don’t need his permission for anything). He left and didn’t care what happened as long as they didn’t burn the place down. When he got home, there was whipped cream on the entertainment center and beer spilled on his carpet. He asked if they had fun and when the carpet cleaner would be there in the morning. Then he kicked back a few drinks with me and gave me oral sex. That is how you play it cool.

13. If all else fails, sex will cure it all. If you find yourself struggling with any of the topics above, resort back to numbers 1 or 2. When she comes in after a long, grueling day at work, have a cold beer ready for her and tell her when the kids go to bed, you will give her head. There is nothing that giving her a little ass cannot cure. Ask him. All the women reading this are agreeing with me. Once, during an argument with my boyfriend, I asked him if he went down on me right then, could we just let it go. He quickly agreed. Nothing else matters. You are a walking dildo/tongue/less efficient vibrator. If you provide your services, your female partner will be happy and you will never have to be alone to contemplate your useless existence and inherent flaws that make you subhuman garbage. Stop reading this article. Reading is bad for your marriage. You are bad for your marriage. Subsume your existence. Enjoy your submission.

Stop the madness! Give it up. Bang it out. That is the key to a happy marriage.

If you asked people to sum up Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth, you’d get responses like “It’s about a Jewish guy who is neurotic about sex.” But people tend to look over the fact that the book ends with (Spoilers!) a “funny rape scene.” Portnoy is smitten with an Israeli soldier who is not interested in him, so he tries to force himself on her.

And when she tried to leave I blocked the door. I pleaded with her not go out and lie down on a clammy beach somewhere, when there was this big comfortable Hilton bed for the two of us to share. I’m not trying to turn you into a bourgeois, Naomi. If the bed is too luxurious, we can do it on the floor.

Sexual intercourse? she replied. With you?

Yes! With me! Fresh from my inherently unjust system! Me, the accomplice! Yes! Imperfect Portnoy!

Mr. Portnoy, excuse me, but between your silly jokes, if that is even what they are-

Here a little struggle took place as I rushed her at the side of the bed. I reached for a breast, and with a sharp upward snap of the skull, she butted me on the underside of the jaw.

Where the hell did you learn that, I cried out, in the Army?

Yes.

I collapsed into my chair. That’s some training to give to girls.

That’s some training to give to girls. I mean, who in their right mind would ever teach a girl to fight back? How dare they? The military should put the interests of men’s desire to assault women unharmed ahead of national security. Obvs.

But Portnoy’s Complaint is, or at least is supposed to be, satire. No one really thinks that a woman who knows how to physically defend herself is a bad thing, right?

In May of 2012, I wrote about the NYPD’s repulsive crowd control tactic of grabbing women protesters by their breasts. The tactic was thought to both humiliate women, and enrage men, provoking them to violence and creating more arrestable offenses. One of those women, Cecily McMillan now faces up to seven years in prison for elbowing a police officer in the face after her grabbed her by the breast from behind. She had no way of knowing he was a police officer in the moment, and caused no permanent harm to the officer.

This week, I have heard the story of a transgender teenage girl who is in prison because the state of Connecticut cannot find a home for her. Jane Doe has a history of being sexually abused by people who were supposed to care for her. She was removed from a state institution after striking a guard who grabbed her from behind. The guard claims to have only wanted a bear hug, but the girl said she had no way of knowing it was not a sexual assault.

That’s some training to give to girls, indeed.

This year, for the second time, I will be participating in the New York Abortion Access Fund’s Bowl-at-Thon fundraiser. Last year I was able to raise $1010, and this year my goal is even higher: $1400.

I am bowling because strong supporter of the to choose regardless of one’s economic situation and I believe in reproductive justice for all people. In my time as a clinic escort at Planned Parenthood, I was face to face with people who would spend their Saturdays harassing those who needed to access the clinic for any reason. I volunteered because I wanted to show my support for patients needing abortion care during what I could only imagine to be a very difficult time. That is the same reason why I’m doing this now.

The dual goals of the National Abortion Access Bowl-a-Thon are to raise awareness of economic barriers to abortion care and to strike down these barriers by raising money to pay for abortion care and to improve state and federal policies that interfere with access to abortion for the most disadvantaged women.

To make a donation, you can access my fundraising page here.

More information from the National Network of Abortion Funds:

What are abortion funds?

Abortion funds are groups of people who help women pay for their abortions.

Nearly all abortion funds are grassroots organizations that work directly with women and families who face obstacles to abortion. Funds help women to pay for an abortion and for travel to a clinic or for an overnight stay in a motel near a clinic. Some funds provide a place to stay in their own homes for women who have to travel a great distance. Many funds also help women to pay for contraception and the morning after pill.

Abortion funds are often women’s only allies as they try to raise money to pay for an abortion.

They are also at the forefront of a dynamic and growing movement that honors the leadership and voices of low-income women, young women, and women of color.

Who are abortion funds?

Some of these groups were started by women who themselves had trouble paying for an abortion. Others were started by women and men whose neighbors asked them for help. Others were started by church groups, synagogues, and clinic staff. By women and men of every age, from college students to people in their 80s who have been doing this work for more than 30 years.

Some abortion funds have dozens of volunteers and some paid staff; others are still run by one or two people working from a kitchen table.

Large or small, they all exist for the same reason: every woman needs to have the ability to make her own decision about having a child, no matter what her income is.

While the fight for Medicaid coverage of abortion will help millions of women in the long run, only abortion funds are helping women right now.

Abortion funds change the world, pretty much every day…one woman at a time.

This post contains spoilers for The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin.

In addition to comparing “Red Pill Women” to Serena Joy, I have also compared them to Stepford Wives. Perhaps this is unfair because Stepford Wives are not human women, but are in fact robots. Or maybe its entirely fair given that red pill men cannot wait to own sexbots that also clean up after them.

Fair or unfair, there is at least one Red Pill woman, “TheWoolyJumper” who is a huge fan of the novel because of it’s “anti feminist message.” No, really:

This is going to seem out of place here, but ‘The Stepford Wives’. I’ve never read a book so anti-feminist in my life. It’s basic message is ‘give up looking after yourselves, your husband, your children and your home to do pursuits that ultimately help not at all will make your marriage end up on a knife blade. You seem to almost want your man to find someone else if you do so.’

TheWoolyJumper totally misses the point of the book. The women who move to Stepford with their husbands are already conceding a lot. Of course, they don’t know that their husbands are planning to murder them and replace them with sex robots, but what they do know is that their husband wanted them to move them far away from family and friends – and they loved or trusted him enough to agree.

Of the women we meet before they suffer their gruesome fate: Joanna is fiercely independent and Bobbie is a bit of a slacker. These traits might annoy their husbands, but TheWollyJumper appears to be agreeing that they deserved to be murdered and to have their children raised by sexbots for the crime of not being perfect wives.

I’ve heard other people say that conservatives, especially social conservatives, don’t understand irony. And if this isn’t a fantastic example of this, I don’t know what is. For what reason in the world would anyone read The Stepford Wives and agree that those bitches deserved what they got? It boggles the mind and shocks the conscience that anyone would have this interpretation, but there it is in total seriousness.

To clarify for those who still don’t get it: Joanna is the protagonist. We are supposed to empathize with her. There is nothing good or sympathetic about the Stepford Men’s Association. They are cold blooded misogynist murderers. If you empathize with them, there is something wrong with you. Joanna’s marriage doesn’t end because she “made her man find someone else.” It ended because he killed her and replaced her with a robot. Levin was playing with the anxieties of women during the second wave of feminism and created a story that confirmed the worst fears of women – that some men – perhaps even your own husband – really are like that, really are that bad. And it will cost you your life, and your children their mother. All of the best horror stories are feminist horror stories. Shudder. End Scene.

If you come away from this book thinking that the point is that Joanna should have been a better wife and she deserved what she got, you lack either reading comprehension or empathy – perhaps both.

Hat tip: SquashedBananas

Fade in on me among a group of merry makers. “Starships” begans to play. Although it might have been “Pound the Alarm.” Bright eyed with beer and enthusiasm I say, “I’m 31 now so it’s time for my Nicki Minaj phase!”

It’s true. I’ve recently discovered that something about her music really resonates with me. I think Amanda Marcotte explains it here in her post about Beyoncé.

“Single Ladies”… is clearly for the women in the audience to sing along to… the idea is to boost yourself up and say that you deserve to have standards.
…
When Diana Ross sings, “I’m coming out, I want the world to know,” it is taken by the audience as a call to say fuck you to other people’s perceptions and just be yourself. It’s not just about Diana Ross. When Pink claims the party isn’t started until she gets there, she isn’t actually trying to make the people at your party feel bad because Pink is never going to show up. The listener is supposed to project herself into the song and borrow the confidence from it. The listener says to herself, “The party starts when I get there.” If Pink didn’t expect you to relate to the song, then it would just seem assholey. Now it seems fun.

Commenter Stuart Underwood pointed out the double standard:

Mick Jagger was no shrinking violet when expressing his appraisal of his own prowess, at least in the character of Jagger the rock star. In an uncharitable and overly literal interpretation, one could label the lead singer of damn near any 1960s-1980s “rock” band as a strutting egomaniac.

Was the braggadocio what these singers really thought about themselves or was it a vehicle to reach out to the audience to put them in a certain frame of mind?

Why should Beyonce be held to a different standard than Jagger or Plant or Presley?

I’ve told people that what I love about Nicki Minaj is her bravado. I think it’s powerful. Minaj’s music makes me feel more awesome about myself. She’s also one of many modern women artists who really own their sexuality. One of my feminist lightbulb moments was listening to the “Oh What A Night” remix when I was in middle school and realizing that if a woman had a song about joyfully and wrecklessly losing her virginity…the universe might explode. I’m glad it’s not 1994 anymore.

My pleasantly buzzed head bobbing was interrupted when a dude said to me, “No. She’s so annoying. She’s terrible, she should just shut up and get naked.”

This was more than a cheesy record scratch moment. It wasn’t a personal insult as in “The bands you like suck.”

No matter the topic, an argument I often find myself making is that words have meanings and context matters. “Shut up and get naked” in another context might be playful and fun. But when dripping with contempt it’s repugnant. Add in the racial and gender dynamic of this specific situation, and it’s even uglier. He said Nicki Minaj needs to stop talking and show more of her body. Her words, no matter how much acclaim they have garnered, mean nothing compared to the feelings he gets by looking at her. “A (black) woman’s confidence and pride threatens me. Quickly! Reduce her to a sex object!”

I ain’t gotta get a plaque, I ain’t gotta get awards
I just walk up out the door all the girls will applaud.
All the girls will come in as long as they understand
That I’m fighting for the girls that never thought they could win.
Cause before they could begin you told them it was the end
But I am here to reverse the curse that they live in.
-Nicki Minaj, “I’m The Best”

So Threatening. Such Girl Power. So Man Tears. Wow.

There were many things I could have said and many ways I could have said them.

Earnestness. “When you say things like that, it makes me think less of you as a human being.”

Sarcastic. “Who knew you were a man of such refined taste and erudition?” or “I know you’re a straight guy and all but you don’t have to flaunt it.” or “Wow, I didn’t know you’re a misogynist. How did I miss that?”

You got that hot shit, boy ya blessed
Let me feel up on your chest
Flex it, you the man
You the man 100 grand
This same poll, game goal
Yes I play it very well
Come baby lay down, let me stay down
Lemme show you how I run take you to my playground
Come and get this va va voom, voom
-Nicki Minaj, “Va Va Voom”

What kind of man finds this threatening? Oh, wait.

Later a few things came to mind that misogynists call “feminist shaming tactics” but most other people would probably call being a smart ass. There’s the classic “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Or just a condescending “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you feeling insecure in your masculinity today?”

What I did say, as cheerfully as possible, was, “You know she’s the best selling female rapper of all time, right?”

He didn’t have much of a response. I think he said “So what?” or “I don’t care.” Sure he doesn’t. Fade out on me swallowing everything else I wanted to say with another sip of my drink.

I’ve written before about embracing my inner smartass. But sometimes it’s difficult to know the right tactic to take. Tone, word choice and delivery interact to make you either a loveable troublemaker or a mean spirited jerk. You may win over the crowd with your wit, but if you come on too strong people will roll their eyes and think you’re a killjoy. Even in this situation, my response didn’t explain why I objected to what was said, though I doubt that would have helped. Knowing when to blurt out the first thing that pops into your head, when to give a more measured response, and when it’s best to respond with only a raised eyebrow takes practice. In the meantime, jam to Super Bass.

Happy New Year everyone! Here are some of my favorite things about 2013.

Favorite Book – Eighty Days: Nellie Bly and Elizabeth Bisland’s History-Making Race Around the World by Matthew Goodman. In 1889 two women writers raced around the world to see if they could beat the fictional record from the famous Jules Verne novel. This is an amazing story and Goodman writes this non-fiction book like a novel. I feel like I have a grasp on what New York and other cities felt like in the late 1800’s and although a lot is different now, in many ways the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I read Around the World in Eighty Days before I read this book so I could understand the inspiration for the trip. Like Gulliver’s Travels, many people think this is a children’s story. But it’s mainly an homage to British Imperialism. Jules Verne is to H G Wells what Stephanie Meyer is to J K Rowling.

Verne was terrible at writing women, something that is actually addressed in Eighty Days. Bly gets to meet him on her travels and Verne’s wife says she thinks his books need more women characters. And although it seems redemptive that two women took on the challenge of Verne’s male heroes, unfortunately Bly and Bisland still had many of the same racist attitudes as Verne did.

Still this book is a fascinating read. Every page is better than the one before it. And send these quotes to anyone who tries to justify something sexist by making an appeal to tradition. Bly and Bisland quite frequently expressed feminist sentiments.

“After the period of sex-attraction has passed, women have no power in America.” -Elizabeth Bisland

“A free American girl can accommodate herself to circumstances without the aid of a man.” -Nellie Bly

“Criticize the style of my hat or my gown, I can change them, but spare my nose, it was born on me.” -Nellie Bly

New TV Show – Maron I don’t watch a lot of television these days, but I do really like Marc Maron’s show in IFC. The show brings to life all of Maron’s delicious and sardonic humor.

Podcast Host – Lindsay Beyerstein. Lindsay is a new host for the Center For Inquiry’s Point of Reason Podcast. Check out her interviews with Katherine Stewart, Paul Offit, Barry Lynn and Kathryn Joyce.

Blog Post – The Retro Husband by Ruth Fowler is my favorite blog post by anyone on the internet in 2013.

Video Game – Fiz: The Brewery Management Game This game is similar to the classic Lemonade Stand or newer Facebook games in that you are running a shop and have various aspects of products and personnel to manage. But it is so much more than that. There is a storyline that I got wrapped up with and very clever dialogue and plot twists. I played it through in a week, which took me about 22 hours total. Good thing I’m on vacation, it’s hard to put this game down once you start it.

Most Popular Posts at Political Flavors in 2013:
What’s Wrong With The Lingerie Football League? I didn’t know how many people search for the LFL online. I’m also quite pleased that I was linked by the Huffington Post and the French women’s magazine madmoiZelle.

For our Girls to Succeed, We Must Reign in Rakish Boys aka “What if dress codes for boys looked like dress codes for girls?” I had fun writing this post although at times I felt that I was being incredibly creepy. I’m very glad people like it.

Best wishes for 2014!

I’ve read several radical feminist texts, including “Intercourse” and “Right Wing Women” by Andrea Dworkin, and the wonderful “I Blame The Patriarchy” by Twisty Faster. Radical feminism is something I think is fascinating as a theory but not very practical. I also tend to view it as hyperbole rather than absolute truth.

I’m also very familiar with Men’s Rights/Pickup Artist/Red Pill online communities and I understand their arguments very well. Something I have noticed is that many red pillers seem to prove one of Andrea Dworkin’s most famous (infamous?) theories – that the practice of heterosexual vaginal intercourse is degrading to women because it is constructed as being degrading to women. Red pillers, however, clearly believe that it is inherently degrading to women.

Some radical feminists also focus on misogynistic messages in both pornography and popular culture. These messages can paint a rather grotesque picture of cis hetero male sexuality. Red pillers believe that a sexuality based on dominating and degrading women is inherent to their masculinity and their humanity, and that any critique of it is misandry. Therefore many red pillers and racial feminists alike paint a bleak and grotesque view of men and masculinity, although they differ on what causes it to be that way.

Finally, rhetoric filled with gender essentialism and absolutes is common to both radical feminism and red pill bloggers and commenters. Although I think these are used in different ways – radical feminists are explaining women’s oppression in order to dismantle it. Red pillers use sweeping language to uphold the status quo or to idealize the past. They are both describing patriarchy, and the gender binary – though they disagree on whether it is a good thing or what should be done about it. Red pillers seem to be the platonic ideal of the way radfems talk about masculinity.

It’s for the reasons explained above that sometimes I find myself reading a red pill blog post or comment thread and thinking that it sounds exactly like a radical feminist critique. I find this amusing. Red pillers are some of the most vocal misogynists on the internet, and yet much of their writing would support a radical feminist analysis.

Can you tell the difference?

#1

In times gone by, women were submissive to the male in large part due to the sexual act. The emotional response to having another human being penetrate your body and deposit their genetic fluids inside is not to be overlooked in terms of establishing a power structure.

#2

A woman has a body that is penetrated in intercourse: permeable, its corporeal solidness a lie… She is, in fact, human by a standard that precludes physical privacy, since to keep a man out altogether and for a lifetime is deviant in the extreme, a psychopathology, a repudiation of the way in which she is expected to manifest her humanity.

#3

A woman having sex with a man meant to some degree that she had given herself away to that man, that she was under his umbrella.

#4

Man penetrates. Woman is penetrated….Man acts. Woman is acted upon

#5

[A man] could never respect or listen to anything that bends over and takes it

#6

Intercourse as an act often expresses the power men have over women.

#7

Entered, she has mostly given something up.

#8

Physically, the woman in intercourse is a space inhabited, a literal territory occupied literally. In the experience of intercourse, she loses the capacity for integrity.

#9

Sex can never be a politically neutral interaction as long as the interests of one party are by universal decree prioritized over the interests of the other.

#10

Prostituted women can never say no to sex because they are sex.

#11

If Men existed in a universe where fully formed, hot 16-18 year old girls with long, silky hair and .7 hip-waist ratios grew out of the ground without agency, wants, needs and desires of their own and without families to care for and protect them, men would kill each other to collect as many of them as possible–replacing them with new ones as the older ones cycled out.

#12

The only thing he can think about is lust and sex. Have you ever heard a woman ask the question “how do I tell the difference between lust and love”? Well, there is a reason you’ve never heard a man ask the same question. Because for a man, the answer is obvious, it’s entirely lust.

#13

Men are distinguished from women by their commitment to do violence rather than to be victimized by it.

#14

I’m 99% sure sex is much much more fulfilling for the woman.

#15

Females, unless very young or very sick, must be coerced or bribed into male company.

#16

It is the increase of fatherhood, resulting from the increased and more widespread affluence that fatherhood needs in order to thrive, that has caused the general increase of mindlessness and the decline of women in the United States since the 1920s. The close association of affluence with fatherhood has led, for the most part, to only the wrong girls, namely, the `privileged’ middle class girls, getting `educated’.

#17

The `hippy’ babbles on about individuality, but has no more conception of it than any other man. He desires to get back to Nature, back to the wilderness, back to the home of furry animals that he’s one of, away from the city, where there is at least a trace, a bare beginning of civilization, to live at the species level, his time taken up with simple, non-intellectual activities — farming, fucking, bead stringing. The most important activity of the commune, the one upon which it is based, is gang-banging. The `hippy’ is enticed to the commune mainly by the prospect for free pussy — the main commodity to be shared, to be had just for the asking, but, blinded by greed, he fails to anticipate all the other men he has to share with, or the jealousies and possessiveness for the pussies themselves.

#18

The nicest women in our `society’ are raving sex maniacs.

***

Answers:
1. Red Pill “Men Should Assert Their Dominance Over Women Through Anal Sex” – The Return of Kings
2. Radical Feminist “Intercourse” by Andrea Dworkin, chapter 7
3. Red Pill “Men Should Assert Their Dominance Over Women Through Anal Sex” – The Return of Kings
4. Red Pill “A man penetrates, a woman gets penetrated. Different physiology, different psychology.”
5. Red Pill Red Pill Women comment by DanaBanana
6. Radical Feminist “Intercourse” by Andrea Dworkin, chapter 7
7. Radical Feminist “Intercourse” by Andrea Dworkin, chapter 7
8. Radical Feminist “Intercourse” by Andrea Dworkin, chapter 7
9. Radical Feminist “Spinster Aunt Prattles on About Pornography”
10. Radical Feminist “About consent, or, the legalization of women’s humanity”
11. Red Pill “Toward a Reconciliation of Male and Female Nature in Red Pill Thought”
12. Red Pill Red Pill Women comment by Fleeting Wish
13. Radical Feminist “Pornography: Men Possessing Women” by Andrea Dworkin, Chapter 2
14. Red Pill “The ‘Game’ is Rigged?”
15. Radical Feminist – The SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanis
16. Radical Feminist – The SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanis
17. Radical Feminist – The SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanis
18. Radical Feminist – The SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanis

Hat Tip to The Blue Pill. I wouldn’t have noticed this odd parallel if it wasn’t for you.

Adam and I have been re-watching “Star Trek:The Next Generation” and we’re in the middle of Season 4 right now. When I was a teenager, I would have told you that this was the best show on television ever. Watching it again at age 30, I am still enjoying it very much, but for the first time I can see what people don’t like about Star Trek – that it can be painfully earnest, that it’s a bit silly, that sometimes the science doesn’t make any sense. And now that I can analyze it with a feminist lens, there’s a lot to talk about.

Generally, I think they show is very good – especially for it’s time – in terms of gender roles. I know the common criticism that Troi and Beverly Crusher are the main women characters and they are also the “caretakers” but that they are people with strengths, weaknesses and personalities of their own is always clear. What does become annoying is that Troi rarely has an episode that isn’t directly related to her sexuality in some way. Dr. Crusher, on the other hand is the virginal Madonna. At this point in the series, all the other characters have gotten laid (except possibly Wesley, but he’s very young we’ve seen him dating at least three different women) but Beverly Crusher is someone’s mother, so no sex for her! I do recall a later episode where she gets lucky, but it takes quite a while to happen, something I find unrealistic for someone as smart and beautiful – and as we see from several of her “will-they-or-won’t-they” moments with Picard very interested in sex.

William Riker, I think is a very interesting character. He is extremely masculine, but he is a feminist, or at the least staunchly egalitarian. He’s big on consent, as we see in “The Vengance Factor.” Sex is not a conquest for him but an experience he shares with others. When Yuta seems unsure what she wants, he stops things right away. He’s not possessive or jealous which seems to clash with what our current idea of masculinity is right now. Riker’s relationship with Troi could be considered open or poly. They love each other but they often say they reject the idea that they “own” each other.

The one bump in this very progressive road, is the way the show handles sexual assault, or at least the threat, accusation or attempts of sexual assault which come up quite often for a show Netflix says is good for kids ages 8 and up.

Tasha Yar – The Enterprise-D’s short lived first chief of security was brash, strong and loyal. She also referred to the fact that she escaped a planet where “rape gangs” were common. Nothing is said about the fact that this is common for women in war torn places, this is pretty much “rape as character development.”

“Code of Honor” – This episode is extremely racist. But there is an additional squick factor. Tasha Yar is about to be “forced to marry” Lutan and Troi asks her about the fact that when they first met, she was attracted to him. What kind of question is that? Hey I know this guy kidnapped you and you have to fight his girlfriend to the death lest you are “forced to marry him” but you thought he was cute before this all went down, so it’s kind of your fault, right? The whole context given her past as an assault survivor makes this even worse.

“The Child” – This episode is clearly about Troi being violated by an alien force. This actually happens to her quite often, sadly, but in this case, it’s explicitly sexual, as she is impregnated without her consent. No one asks her how she feels about that, even during a senior staff meeting where people openly debate whether or not she should have an abortion – without asking for her input and talking as if she wasn’t in the room. For the record, Worf wanted to force her to abort, Data wanted to force her to give birth. Picard at least said that she had the final say in what happened, but again, no concern for the fact that she was violated.

“A Matter of Perspective” – In this episode we see a series of events from three perspectives, Rikers, Manua’s – a woman who accuses him of trying to rape her and of killing her husband, and Dr. Nel Apgar, the man Riker is accused of killing. Riker claims that Manua came on to him and he rejected her. Apgar told his research assistant that Riker and Manua were both kissing enthusiastically when he walked in on them. After Riker is found innocent of murder, the fact that he was also accused of attempted rape is entirely forgotten and never mentioned again. As much as I dislike the “women lie about being raped” trope, and as infuriating as it is that the title implies that rape is just “a matter of perspective” I think it’s inconsistent with Riker’s character and with the series that he would do such a thing. Starfleet officers make mistakes, but do not commit vicious assaults. As a viewer, I am satisfied that he is innocent. However, within the universe of the show, I am uncomfortable with how easily this accusation is dismissed, especially because the Manua never recants.

“Ménage à Troi” – aka Lwaxana Troi is a Big, Damn Hero. In this episode, Riker, Troi and Lwaxana are kidnapped by Ferengi, one of whom – Daimon Tog, has expressed romantic interest in Lwxanna. There’s an extremely creepy scene where Daimon Tog summons the women to his quarters naked, via transporters. Ferengi women do not wear clothing. It’s also established that Betazed culture is very body positive and rituals like marriage are frequently performed naked. Yet, Troi and Lwaxanna are acting anxious, and it’s not because they are insecure about their bodies, it’s clear they are afraid they are about to be raped. Lwaxanna offers to go willingly if Troi and Riker are set free. And then Daimon Tog attempts to “seduce” her. We see Troi grimace as she emphatically feels her mother’s disgust. But Lwaxanna manages to talk her way out of it before the assault is completed. At the end of the show, once all three captives have been rescued, The Enterprise flies off into the sunset. Apparently it’s no big deal that the Ferengi just kidnapped two Federation officers and the Ambassador from Betazed to the Federation, and that Daimon Tog assaulted and attempted to rape a Federation ambassador. Just another crazy day on the Enterprise! Especially because the show ended on a humorous note with Picard’s convincing Daimon Tog that he was Lwaxanna’s true love and would stop at nothing to get her back. Who cares that a Ferengi was about to rape her? It’s played for the lulz. Also, I totes see what you did there Star Trek! Ménage à Troi! GET IT?!

“Devil’s Due” – Nine years before Bedazzled, and twelve years before “Shortcut to Happiness” there was another knock off of “The Devil and Daniel Webster” where the Devil is actually a hot chick. Sort of. In “Devil’s Due,” a woman, Ardra appears to a planet the Enterprise is visiting and claims to be a god that the people there pledged to be slaves to upon her return 1,000 years ago. Picard is really insistent that she’s not who she says she is. It’s a crappy version of “Who Watches The Watchers.” Picard winds up having to prove his case before a court where Data is the sole judge. If he loses, he will belong to Ardra “mind, body, and soul” forever. As Ardra previously tried to seduce Picard and was rejected, we know she’s extremely keen on the body part. No one cares, at all, that someone is trying to kidnap a the Federation flagship’s Captain and make him a sex slave for life. It’s played alternately as comedy and for titillation.

“First Contact” [fourth season episode, not the movie] – Riker is injured while surveying a civilization about to test their warp drive capabilities for the first time. He is recovering in a hospital where the doctors have him quarantined and under security as they correctly suspect he is an alien. When he realizes they know he isn’t one of them, he tries to escape. A creepy chick sneaks into his hospital room and says she will help him flee in exchange for sex, and that she’s always wanted to do it with an alien. He says no repeatedly. She insists, and whines. In the next scene, Riker has escaped. This is never mentioned or addressed in any way. Like in “Devil’s Due” it’s supposed to be kind of funny and we are meant to boggle at why Riker wouldn’t want to get down with the cute geek girl, I mean, he is a ladies’ man, right? What’s the problem?

Roddenberry’s vision was that in the future, that everyone is equal regardless of gender or ethnicity would be taken for granted as a matter of fact. And the show reflects that, for the most part. But I hope even the best shows can withstand some feminist media criticism, no matter how faithful the fandom.