Over the weekend, the right wing social media circuit became very upset about not only Michael Sam’s drafting into the NFL. He then had the audacity to kiss his white – male – boyfriend.
The horror.

Apparently this was an affront to “family values”. To “manliness”. To football. To black people. Or white people. Or maybe both.

Don’t ask me to understand the minds of the right wing trolls.

I just have to say that I’m so glad that Fox set us straight and showed us what they mean by “family values”. It can all be so confusing!

So you all know, giving good head – often – is paramount to family values in America – at least according to Fox.

Don’t believe me? Well then check out this column on its sports website.

So you all know: in order to have real family values – if, and only if, you are a woman – you must give your man a blowjob at least once a week, step up your sex game, stop using your kids an excuse, and for the sake of Jesus – SWALLOW. I mean, that’s why he suffered and died, right? I’m sure I heard Rick Santorum say that spitters are quitters!

If only Michael Sam had a woman going down on him instead and digesting his semen instead of kissing his boyfriend who had cake on his face, then he would be truly worthy of the NFL.

Of course, after only after first meeting the qualifications of dogfighting, murder-suicide, and rape – essential to any true family values football player.

God Bless America.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 12th, 2014 at 12:06 pm and is filed under Editorials. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.